World Humor: Witty Tales

Once a famous European writer was talking to an American girl. The American, speaking in the writer’s native language, asked him why he had never visited the United States.

"I know only a few sentences in English," answered the writer.

"What are the sentences?" asked the girl.

"How do you do? I love you. Forgive me. Forget me. Ham and eggs, please," answered the writer.

"Why," exclaimed the girl, "with that vocabulary you could travel all over my country."

* * *

A foreigner was visiting New York. Walking along a by-street late one evening, he was stopped by a bandit.

"Give me your money, or I’ll blow out your brains!"

"Blow away," said the man. "You can live in New York without brains, but not without money."

* * *

"And did you enjoy your trip through Switzerland?"

"Yes, very much. They had such beautiful postcards all through that country."

* * *

"I can’t think why they make so much fuss about Miss Smith’s voice. Miss Jones has a much richer voice."

"Yes, but Miss Smith has a much richer father."

* * *

"Have any of your childhood hopes been realized?"

"Yes. When Mother used to pull my hair, I wished that I didn’t have any."