The Man Who Minded the House

Once upon a time a farmer was working in the fields. It was a beautiful evening, but the farmer was tired and angry. “My work never ends,” he thought. “Tomorrow I shall have to work again from early morning till late evening.”

When he came back home, his wife was sitting in a chair by the window and singing a song to herself. She had put the baby to bed, and cooked the supper and set the table. She had just sat down, and there was her husband home already. She looked up and smiled at him, but he didn’t smile back at her. He only said angrily:

“I wish I had nothing to do all day but sit in a chair and sing like you.”

“Oh, but I’ve only just sat down,” replied his wife. "I’ve been busy since early morning.”

“Doing what?” asked the farmer.

“Well,” said his wife, “there is the baby to look after, and I've swept the floors and dusted the rooms, and done the dishes,” and made the beds. I've cooked the food, and I’ve given food to the cow, and washed some clothes.”

“Those are easy things,” said the farmer. “I would like to do easy jobs like that.”

“Easy things!” exclaimed his wife. “I'd like to see you do my day's work.”

“All right,” said the farmer angrily, “tomorrow we’ll change over. I'll do the housework and look after the baby, while you go out and work in the fields.”

“All right,” agreed his wife.

Next morning after breakfast the farmer was very cheerful.

“I shall have a nice, quiet day," he said.

“Remember to bring the baby downstairs and give her some breakfast in half an hour,” said the farmer's wife.

“Yes, I’ll remember."

“And this is the day you must churn the butter.”

“That won't take me long.”

“And don’t forget to take the cow across to the meadow, will you?”

“No, I shan't forget.”

“And you’ll call me when the dinner's ready, won’t you?”

“Yes, yes, I'll call you.”

The wife started to go towards the fields, then she stopped and said:

“Are you quite sure you still want to change over for the whole day?”

“Quite sure.” he answered. “I am going to enjoy myself.”

So his wife went away to the fields to gather up the hay.

The farmer said “Good-bye” to her, and then turned back into the house.

“I'll churn the butter first," he thought. “That won’t take me long.” He poured the cream into the churn, and turned the handle. After a few moments, he looked inside to see if the cream had turned into butter. But oh no, it was not thick enough, so he turned the handle again. He turned it, and turned it, and turned it, until he felt quite hot and tired. And still the cream was not thick enough.

Suddenly he heard a strange noise:

“Ook, ook, ook.”

"What can that be?" he wondered. “Oh I know. The pig has run away."

He hurried out but at that moment the pig walked in through the open kitchen door, and knocked over the butter churn.

“Oh,” said the farmer to the pig, “how did you get out of your place?” He tried to drive the pig back through the door, but the pig became frightened, and ran in and out among the furniture. Meanwhile the cream from the churn was running all over the kitchen floor.

The farmer suddenly slipped, and fell on his back in a pool of thick, cold, sticky cream.

“What will my wife say?” he thought. He stood there for a moment and wondered how to clear up the mess. Then he heard, “Moo, moo, moo,” and he remembered the cow.

“Poor thing,” he said to himself. “It’s getting late, and the cow is still hungry. I’d better take her to the meadow before I do anything else.”

And then an idea came to him. The farmhouse stood close up against a hill, so that if you went down the hillside you could jump on to the roof. There was grass on the roof, and the farmer thought, “Why bother to take the cow all the way to the meadow? She could eat the grass on the roof instead. He managed to get the cow on to the grassy roof. Then he went into the kitchen to clear up the mess.

To his surprise he saw that it was nearly dinner time.

“What am I going to cook for dinner?” he asked himself. “And I haven’t washed up the breakfast things yet."

At that moment the baby began to cry. “Oh, I haven’t even fed the baby yet,” he said. “Now for the baby's food."

At the same time he began to think how nice it must be out in the fields. His wife’s work wasn’t so easy after all. He had lots to do before he could call her in to dinner. He had two floors to sweep, the baby to feed, dishes to wash, beds to make, and dinner to cook. And he wondered how he could ask his wife to let him do his own work in the afternoon. A whole day was such a long time.

Then the farmer thought that the cow might fall off the roof and hurt herself. So he went on to the roof, and tied a piece of rope round the cow’s neck. He slipped the other end of the rope down the chimney, so that it fell in the kitchen. Then he went indoors again, and tied the rope round his own waist?

“Wow, wow, wow,” cried the baby. She couldn't understand why no one came to feed her.

The cow was eating the grass on the roof, and moving nearer and nearer to the edge? And the wife was out in the fields. She was thinking: “It must be" dinner time. Why doesn’t my husband call me?"

She laughed as she thought of him. “I think,” she said to herself, “he’s had enough of housework.”

She waited a little longer, and then decided to go back to the house.

Just then the cow fell off the roof, and the rope pulled the farmer up the chimney. As the wife came near the house she saw the cow in the air. She ran for a knife and cut the rope. Down came the cow outside the house and down came the farmer inside it.

Then she opened the kitchen door, and said with a smile, “Well, how did you like doing my work? Was it easy?”

Her husband crawled out from the fireplace where he had fallen. He was black with soot, and where he wasn't black with soot, he was white with cream. He was so unhappy that he could not even answer. He just looked sadly at his wife and she knew what he thought about her work now.